i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
