Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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