P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
