he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
