planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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