wanna go halves on a baby?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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