morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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