Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
