you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
