no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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