I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Its about making memories worth repressing
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
