the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
