Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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