i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
