erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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