Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
