Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
