the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
