so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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