Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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