we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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