I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
