we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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