you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
