I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
