I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
