HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
