my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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