Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"