didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations