Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

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  (425): If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab http://tfl.nu/ezlg
  Replies (8) Good night (3171) Bad night (967)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.

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  (734): So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things. http://tfl.nu/gsnh
  Replies (10) Good night (3773) Bad night (1087)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.

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  (402): I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise. http://tfl.nu/i6qg
  Replies (6) Good night (3290) Bad night (926)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.

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  (724): You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room. http://tfl.nu/1sdd
  Replies (7) Good night (1144) Bad night (3441)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life

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  (484): If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life http://tfl.nu/iybt
  Replies (13) Good night (1422) Bad night (3074)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.

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  (815): Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess. http://tfl.nu/3e7p
  Replies (13) Good night (2352) Bad night (1266)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.

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  (419): I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done. http://tfl.nu/5j5b
  Replies (6) Good night (1215) Bad night (770)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

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  (443): There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse. http://tfl.nu/gbkz
  Replies (3) Good night (706) Bad night (1733)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.

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  (817): Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter. http://tfl.nu/zoc6
  Replies (6) Good night (525) Bad night (1402)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.

  (209): View more from California

  Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.

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  (209): I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now. (209): Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4. http://tfl.nu/hx3p
  Replies (12) Good night (2160) Bad night (879)
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  (914): View more from New York

  She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.

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  (914): She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch. http://tfl.nu/fvbm
  Replies (7) Good night (1243) Bad night (402)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.

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  (920): No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight. http://tfl.nu/0s2q
  Replies (4) Good night (716) Bad night (625)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.

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  (865): My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs. http://tfl.nu/mqhq
  Replies (3) Good night (315) Bad night (680)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.

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  (604): Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok. http://tfl.nu/aeg5
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (339)
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  (315): View more from New York

  ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach

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  (315): ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach http://tfl.nu/r151
  Replies (1) Good night (587) Bad night (230)

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