I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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