I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
