Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
