He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
