There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
