she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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