no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
