I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
