FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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