Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
