I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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