Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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