She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
