So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
