Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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