Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize