Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
