I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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