shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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