...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I want to have your abortion
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
