She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
