I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
