Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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