Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
