Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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