what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
