Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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