She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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