Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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