oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Floor bacon is actually really good
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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