ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
