I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
