I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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