Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize