you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They have beer where we have blood.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
