I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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