so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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