I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
