I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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