Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
