Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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