sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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