She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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