the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
