He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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