I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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