My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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