Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
