I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
