I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need moral support for this bender
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I AM VODKA MAN
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
